[ back ]
MY WORD - 07/30/2008
(by Holly Stewart - OpEd Columnist - July 30, 2008)
Odd men out
The strictest justice is sometimes the greatest injustice. – Terence
Should one person’s word against another be enough to warrant permanent legal action? It is in New Jersey. Should one group of people be exempt from imprisonment for a specific crime while another group is not? Again, such is the case here in the Garden State. For scores of men in New Jersey, the legal system has turned a blind eye to their rights in order to rule on the side of caution. But in doing so we have created a monster. Men are being barred from seeing their children and even being jailed based purely on hearsay from their domestic partners. Now, however, it seems that the judiciary may take a closer look at the statutes in question in an effort to resolve the apparent built-in bias they reflect.
A few weeks ago, while hearing a case involving a North Bergen couple, a judge in Hudson County determined that it is too easy to get a restraining order in this state. He declared aspects of the process to be unconstitutional and prone to exploitation. Up to now, there has been no need to offer evidence of physical abuse or violence in order to issue a temporary order; after a court appearance, such orders often turn permanent.
For the record, 80 percent of restraining orders in New Jersey are filed by women against men, even though statistics on domestic violence are much more even-handed. In a national study from the year 2000, 1.3 million and 835,000 men were physically assaulted by a domestic partner. And who’s to say how many incidents of such abuse go unreported each year, especially by men?
Even worse is the fact that so-called “deadbeat dads” can be imprisoned for failure to pay court-ordered child support in New Jersey. No other civil debt carries with it such punishment for lack of payment. Consider how long you can blow off your mortgage company or credit card lender before legal action is taken to compensate for the debt. Even then you won’t be thrown into the slammer. Yet women cannot be jailed for the same offense: A statute of state family law declares that women cannot be arrested in civil matters. That violates the Equal Protection Clause in the 14th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
Women’s rights groups are already gearing up for a fight in the state Supreme Court regarding the restraining order issue. They believe a woman’s word against a man’s should be enough. Physical evidence is not always apparent. Abusers, they say, are often smart enough not to leave marks on their victims. They also argue that some women won’t bother to report further incidents of violence if they are rebuffed by the court. They fear this will lead to even more domestic abuse. Proponents of reform, however, say that stricter requirements for restraining orders will cut down on manipulation by fakers, which in turn means greater resources for actual victims.
Some feminists say these laws empower women, but if this is true, it is for all the wrong reasons. When women are treated as the weaker sex by the legal system, they receive sanctioned preferential treatment. Currently, a woman can cry wolf in order to remove an unwanted partner from her home. She need only be a convincing witness to a sympathetic judge in order to make this happen. The man can be forced to pack up and get out, without so much as a word in his own defense. Who would actually do such a thing, you may ask? My sarcastic answer: Come on, this is humanity we’re talking about. People do terrible things to each other out of spite and fear and sheer boredom all the time. They’ll commit such acts especially when they know they can get away with them.
So back to the legal drawing board. It’s time to dust off that phrase from our founding fathers and attempt to move toward a more perfect union. No one wants to see reform of these laws lead to more victims of abuse. But who’s abusing whom under the current system? Such inequality leads to greater disparity between the sexes. Generations of oppression by one group over another should not warrant the formerly oppressed free reign over the rights of others. Law should never be designed to counterbalance the wrongs of the past. It can only hope to serve justice in the future, and if it should fall short of that goal, it must be altered.
| Comments (5) |
On August 1, 2008 Robert said:
Thank you for the kind words. We have been fighting for equal rights for fathers in Wisconsin with little support. The problem goes beyond just restraining laws. I was given joint custody with my ex. What a joke. She was able to make decisions without getting my input. In one case, it could have cost my daughter's life. I was given a standard placement of every other weekend and one day during the week. My ex was able to constantly prevent this with no penalty. As a result, my children have become estranged. I have not seen them for ten years. I hope your article is only the begining of change in divorce law. Thank God for your article. I may not benefit but thousands of other father will. |
| |
On July 31, 2008 John said:
Thanks for exposing some of the truth and injustice behind Domestic Violence laws. We need some serious changes on this and other issues. On the Domestic Violence we need to start prosecuting those who are proven to be lying in the courts. |
| |
On July 30, 2008 Jeff said:
Thank you for the hard hitting article. My story is the mirror image of it. See it on http://www.nationalwriterssyndicate.com/ under the POPULAR menu title and selection GEORGIA KILLED MY DADDY. It's exact abuse of what they do in Georgia here to our Dads. If you are a criminal you will make a great judge here. Georgia's judicial immunity is slapping Georgia in the face with abuse. It's out of control. The repercussion's are beginning to roll back on these government criminals in Dahlonega and Cleveland Georgia. Unfortunately the backlash is hurting families and marriages all over Georgia as it encourages divorce and the big prize money that goes with getting a divorce.
|
| |
On July 30, 2008 Francisco said:
Dear Ms. Steward:
Thank you, for such article, about "us" the Fathers, who really care and support our children, we love and dedicate our lives to our children.
I have been a victim of "Malicious Mother Syndrome", and Lawyers lying to their teeth, I have even caught the Guardian et Litem ( Deborah Lubin )assigned in my case in Purjery, because I video and audio tape all her action and conversations with me and later even after I presented to the Judge all the evidences of her lies, ( intentionally to have me remove from my daughter's life) she gets to walk away without no penalty. And my evidences were ignored. Just because she was named one of the Most Powerful Woman Attorney of Atlanta,
I still have a restraining order, against me , EVEN AFTER PRESENTING THE EVIDENCES THAT EVERYTHING WAS FALSELY FABRICATED !! I have the Audio tapes and Video Tapes, and NO TV STATION WANTS TO LISTEN TO ME
How these Lawyers and Court staff , turned their face and ignore everything.
My daughter is suffering, she started to behave with anger and all because these Lawyers are friends with the Court Staff.
My ex-wife moved next to a Registered Child Molester, whom raped two seven years old little girls, and when I told the Judicial Officer Sally Cobb Canon, she said , I do not want to talk about that, and said Mr. Yelamo can pay US$320 a month for your daughter....and I told her , what is more important the US$320 of the danger my daughter is facing everyday? She reply , I do not want to talk about that.
The Judicial Officer Jane Kutner, also ignored the same topic, and even ordered the Custodial Evaluator to change the Court Order over the Phone and send her copies to her personal e-mail.
Between one thing and another, this has taken 16 months, and nobody seems to care, what my daughter is facing.
I have 54 witnesses that support me and the Court has not done anything.
My daughter has been Physically abuse with bruises and even got spank while talking to me over the phone ( I have all evidences ) and NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THEM OR HEAR IT.
Not even DFACS, Not even the Judge, Not even the media..... When are they going to do something when I find my daughter DEAD ?
Please thank you, for your help !! WE NEED TO CLEAN THIS ACT,
There are Men like me, whom has "NEVER" lift a hand to hurt a Woman, because, I was brought up that a Women, "only with a Rose Petal" ....
And for the respect of My Mother, My Grandmother, and now my daughter, I follow it to the dot.... But I have been holding for 7 years of abuse...there is so much a Man can take.
My ex-Mother-in-law, was even asking for 4 years to have me killed, and the Judge did not do anything , not even looking at the evidence.
Now you tell me !!!
Where is this Country going ?
|
| |
On July 30, 2008 Michael said:
YES! You've highlighted exactly what is wrong with the DV laws in this country. I was "lucky" that my ex never stooped to the level of falsifying a claim of DV. But she could have. She would have gotten free legal assistance, a garnishment of wages and attorney's fees without ever having to prove her claim. And I would have never seen my kids again. Women today, thanks to the women's right movement, have all the choices. They can terminate a pregnancy without notifying the father. They can give up a child to adoption without notifying the father. They can seduce an achiever, lie about their birth control and acquire the "golden ticket". They can marry the father and be a stay at home mom or pursue a career. And if they get tired of the dude they can claim DV and ruin him emotionally and financially.
And how is child support determined? How is one child worth less than another? Under-educated women who choose a under-achieving sperm donor deserve more than just a token CS order. And high achievers shouldn't be forced to pay tens of thousands of dollars in monthly CS.
I'm starting to think that we should tax parents who have children. Force them to establish trust funds for the kids before they are born. One of our presidential candidates actually proposed paying parents for having kids! The last think we need is to offer a financial reward for having a child.
It's a complex issue that requires a creative solution.
|
| |
[ back ]
