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PHALON'S FILE - 07/02/2008
(by Joe Phalon - OpEd Columnist - July 01, 2008)
Working on my laptop
Here at the ivy-covered halls of the Phalon Institute, we recently brought “Eddie” out of his self-imposed deep freeze. Back in the summer of ‘78 he asked to be placed in cryogenic chamber for 30 years, something about the statute of limitations expiring in just about every jurisdiction in that amount of time.
Anyway, Eddie had to get up to speed on technology and popular culture. It wasn’t too hard. He had fully expected advances in most areas and he was adaptable. After all, both Microsoft and Apple were already in business several years before he began his slumber. The Internet made sense, as a logical extension of what was known about computers 30 years ago.
But one thing puzzled him. “I heard some guy saying he spent the whole morning working on his laptop,” he said. “Then I heard somebody say his laptop was running slow, and needed more memory.”
What, he wanted to know, happened to people’s laps while he was away? I explained that they were referring to their computers. Then why didn’t they just say computers? Many do, I said. But many people use the term “laptop” for their laptop computers.
Then the raw audio of that term hit me. To the uninformed, it’s a pretty bizarre word to use for a piece of computer equipment. It’s like referring to your car as pavement shader or something.
It got me to start paying attention to the term. A literal listening of “laptop” has some pretty weird connotations.
“Can I borrow your laptop today?”
“This is the third laptop I’ve run into the ground!”
“George has a bigger laptop than you.”
I realized I’ve been saying the same kind of thing.
“I bring my laptop just about everywhere.” Well I hope I do.
“My other laptop has been gathering dust in the closet.” Jeez.
And when you think about, it’s really not a “lap” top anyway. If anything it’s a kneetop. Try working on your computer with it directly on your lap for a few hours, and you’re going to get burns in places that haven’t seen a lot of direct sunlight.
Most people use their laptop computers on their desks. But then we already have desktop computers. The big two-component deals that remain largely stationary. Except for the iMac, which is one piece.
So I reassured Eddie that nothing untoward was going on when people are discussing their laptops. Most of the time. And I agreed that perhaps we should try to use the object of the term, rather than the modifier, as the primary designator. Then we also agreed that there many more important things to worry about.
And Eddie will continue to see what’s changed in the past 30 years. He was reassured to see the hardware store was still the same. But I did have to explain why when he tuned in his favorite radio station, instead of hearing Top 40 music, about all he heard was “Activist judges! Activist judges!”
I told him if he looked around his laptop, he could find his old favorites.
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