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PHALON'S FILE - 6/18/2008
(by Joe Phalon - OpEd Columnist - June 18, 2008)
We need a federal Phalon Act
It couldn’t have been more than two or three weeks ago when I was hanging around, making constructive purchases at Jones’ Hardware when a couple people were discussing that most dire shortage today.
“There just aren’t enough European supermodels in the country today,” said “Bill.”
“Yes,” said “Jimmy.” “That is terrible. Those people in Washington must do something about it!”
Well, “Bill” and “Jimmy,” we’re in luck.
Just last week a congressman from New York City introduced legislation that would make it easier for overseas supermodels to get visas to enter the United States. Democrat Anthony Weiner (seriously) wants to change the immigration laws so that supermodels would no longer have to compete with biochemists and nuclear physicists for temporary visas (seriously). Supermodels would instead be under the same classification as foreign entertainers and athletes.
I am not making this up.
We have a war some people think is going to drag on for 100 years. Record budget deficits. Floods. High gas prices. Any number of diseases still plaguing the population.
But Congressman Weiner is going to make the United States safe for overseas supermodels.
Hey, somebody’s gotta do it, I suppose.
Or do they?
Rather than a member of Congress introducing a bill to help European supermodels (I think Brazilian supermodels benefit as well), a really useful member should introduce a federal-level Phalon Act!
The regular reader(s) of this space may recall my proposed legislation currently wending its way through Trenton. Also known as the Legislators With Too Much Time on Their Hands Act, it would come into force when a state senator or assemblyperson introduces legislation that is so inane, pointless or just plain stupid, that they have demonstrated they have entirely too much time on their hands.
At that point, that legislator’s taxpayer-paid time would be used to rake leaves, fix windows and mow lawns for senior citizens who can no longer afford to pay for those services because of high taxes that have gone unaddressed while said legislators were proposing, for example, a law to make it a punishable offense to listen to your iPod while crossing the street.
Apparently we need such legislation on the federal level. There are other examples, but the supermodel legislation has Poster Child written all over it.
My intent is to be only slightly tongue-in-cheek. Our country is facing serious issues that need to be addressed by serious people. And I am sure Rep. Weiner represents his constituency enthusiastically. In fact, his office does insist the supermodel bill is intended to help the fashion industry in New York City. But still. Let’s deal with grocery and fuel prices that are forcing people to choose between food and heat.
By this Friday, copies of a federal version of the Phalon Act will be dispatched to the offices of Rep. Bill Pascrell (D-8), Rodney Frelinghuysen (R-11) and Scott Garrett (R-5).
I know all three members of Congress to be prudent and vigorous guardians of the taxpayers’ money. I am sure they will run with (or from) this legislation. Watch this space to see its progress.
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