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NORTH JERSEY - Courts enable cycle of violence, says Ramos
(by Donna Rolando - Managing Editor - December 02, 2008)
NORTH JERSEY - Jessica Van Dunk was just 13 when her mother’s abusive ex-boyfriend killed her mom with three bullets from a 12-gauge shotgun at her West Milford home. Then he fired a bullet into his mouth as Jessica – a mere child — was forced to watch.
Domestic violence nightmares like Sunday’s fatal shooting in a Clifton church come as no surprise to Jessica.
She’s now 30 with children of her own but cannot escape the pain of her mother Valerie’s screams and the fact that she could do little to help her.
“I would say, ‘Mom I know he’s been beating you,'” Jessica recalled of the period before the tragedy.
According to Suburban Trends-West Milford Argus Edition dated Oct. 27, 1991, Valerie had obtained a restraining order against the man, Donald DeFreese, 44, of Ringwood, and also secured a different home but she couldn’t hide.
Valerie could find no sure way to flee the torture that ended fatally on Oct. 26, 1991, a date marked for many years with vigils in West Milford until this year when it became too painful for the family.
Valerie’s story is the all-too-common ending when batterers are jealous, possessive and don’t obey a restraining order, said Sandra Ramos, founder of the Strengthen Our Sisters women’s shelters in West Milford and Wanaque.
“Unfortunately, batterers are very possessive and they feel they own their women. For the ones that are insanely jealous, violent and possessive, a restraining order doesn’t do too much,” she said.
Ramos, a professor of women’s issues at William Paterson University and Ramapo College of New Jersey, commented on Sunday’s double fatality in Clifton, in which Joseph “Sanish” Pallipurath drove all the way from California then allegedly claimed the life of his estranged wife Reshma James, age 24. After Pallipurath tracked his wife to New Jersey, where she went to escape a brief reportedly abusive marriage, he also allegedly shot to death a 25-year-old church member and critically harmed his wife’s 47-year-old cousin.
Pallipurath was captured in Monroe, Ga. on Monday after a wallet containing his personal papers was found in a garbage can near a convenience store.
“This woman lived a life of torture and horror, from what I understand, and she tried to escape and he I guess felt she was his possession,” Ramos said.
This view of women as the possession of a man is prevalent, she said, in this “violent and patriarchal society.”
For men to change, the viewpoint of society also has to change, Ramos said. Batterers take this viewpoint to an extreme degree and often cannot detach when a relationship has ended, with tragic consequences for all.
In the case of her mom, who died just short of her 31st birthday, Jessica said she wanted to break free from her batterer.
“She was trying but she knew no matter what, he would get to her. She just got tired of fighting,” she said. “He waited until late at night but he came.”
Her mother’s death has left scars for both Jessica and her younger sister, who also was home at the time.
“It’s been hard on my life,” she said.
She advised those in abusive relationships to “get out before it’s too late,” but acknowledged that often batterers give no early clues to their disposition.
“You don’t know when you’re getting into a relationship. The violence starts in the middle of it,” she said.
Although restraining orders are law enforcement’s answer to the plight of victims, she said, they often fall short. According to the U.S. Department of Justice Web site, reports indicate some 86 percent of the women who received a protection order state the abuse either stopped or was greatly reduced.
Yet the problem, according to Jessica, is tragedy can strike before police reach a victim’s house in response to a restraining order violation.
“There should be more protection out there,” she said.
Ramos, the recent keynote speaker at the First World Conference on Women’s Shelters in Alberta, Canada, said that the cycle of violence is perpetuated by the court system. Many times the courts will grant visitation privileges to batterers. Then through contact with their children, these batterers are often able to learn the whereabouts of their former wives, a situation that can put these spouses in peril.
She said victims could also find themselves with no court sympathetic to granting their restraining order.
“I am still getting reports from shelter and outreach clients that they are not being granted restraining orders,” Ramos said in a recent letter. “Victims are still being told by judges that they waited too long, or that because there was no witness, they are denied protection.”
She goes on to say, “We as a nation must do something to change this. The way women are treated, is a reflection of our society.”
Many police departments in New Jersey work with Domestic Violence Community Response Teams, which have the job of assisting victims in breaking the cycle of violence. Help can also be found at the local hotline 1-800-767-9470 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002, of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49 percent of these crimes were against spouses; 84 percent of the spouse abuse victims were females and 86 percent of victims of dating partner abuse were female.
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